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IN THIS ISSUE

• Carol Dilworth sends more reports from her Uganda trip
• Don Henderson mentions two more early comedians
• Tom Williamson brings us the first golf lesson of the season
• Pat Moore explains why movies are so educational
• The editor discusses the grandparent scam
• Sites are recommended by Carol Hansen, Jean Sterling, Neville Horsfall, Pat Moore, and Shirley Conlon

Carol Dilworth resumes her reports from

UGANDA

Click on pictures for a larger image

February 10: Last Wednesday the Ugandan members of the Norben Committee came to The Sunrise Inn for their first meeting this year with Ben and Norma. During the meeting I found out that the small (unrequested) favour I did for one of the committee members in 2008 had a big payoff for him. So it appears that I am not a tourist on this trip, which is wonderful, but means that I have a schedule and I am receiving lots of petitions for funding. Maybe this is the best point to tell you about my Sunday purchase.

Bougainvilla in the Sunrise Inn garden

We went to Rev. Job Masaba´s church; Job is on the Norben Committee and his wife, Dinah, is the chair. They had us into their home before the service, then Job led us across the street to the church, and Dinah translated for us. It never occurred to me that everything would be in the local language since the 2008 service at another Anglican church was in English. For the offering, people give either cash or a donation in some other form. Other types of donations are auctioned off during the service. And someone brought a goat to offer.

I decided to buy it. Ben and Norma were having a quiet fit because they thought that I was just trying to bid up the price and the locals would have to pay way too much for this little girl. But we just kept going up and up until I bid 40,000 Ugandan shillings (remove the 000 and divide by two to get the US price, about $21), and won. I whispered to Job that I couldn´t take her home.

Avacado tree at the Sunrise Inn

We were asked to speak to the congregation, about 40 adults and 20 children, and when my turn came, Dinah translated that this was my first goat and there was a problem. I couldn´t take it in the plane; I couldn´t even take it in a taxi, so I would let Rev. Job decide what to do. Yesterday Dinah told me that they sold the goat for 35,000 Ugandan shillings, so it raised a total of 75,000, the first fundraising for the sheets needed for a roof. This would buy two sheets. And I found out that she was a he. If you know goats, you will understand the confusion. There is a chance that I will be buying or financing goats next week and I feel quite experienced.

The other boost to the local economy is my new summer wardrobe. One of the committee members is a wonderful buyer and designer. Lorraine and I hired her as our personal shopper last Thursday and Friday and she did all the selections and bargaining. She took us to the best tailor in Mbale. Lorraine ordered three outfits and I ordered more than three.

It´s 3 p.m., I´m writing this in an internet cafe in Mbale, having given up on the Sunrise´s new system, and must walk back. Early dinner because I´m auditing some of Job´s theology classes tomorrow, beginning at 8 a.m. A taxi ride of 10,000 shillings from the Sunrise, whatever that means. More later.

February 12: I cannot believe that at least two of you thought that I should bring the goat home. You figure out how and I´ll bring an extra one for you.

Lime tree

Not sure where to start, so will begin with the most recent event.

Last night the five of us had dinner and were talking about our pets. I was sitting at the head of the table and the two couples were sitting opposite each other. One of the men was on my left. Overnight I had a long and detailed nightmare. I was sitting in the same place at a dinner party, a man on my left, and one of my pets was in a box, dying. If you have ever taken anti-malarial medication you will recognize the byproduct. At least two of us have been having bad dreams but this was much more severe. We now take Malarone; Larium was infamous for the nightmares, so I wasn´t expecting this.

This morning I was disoriented enough that I wanted to phone my substitute mother for the cats to see if they were all right. I told myself to try to separate reality from delusion, and went back to bed for more sleep. Tonight I am on e-mail at the Sunrise for the first time in days and had a message from "Mom" that they were fine. How´s that for coincidence?

I have also been sweating without relief all day and wonder if I picked up a few germs. Despite all that, I am only looking forward to coming home to hug Star, Victoria, and Albert again - don´t anyone take that personally!

Now to a nicer topic. One of the exciting things about coming back is that some of the students I met in 2008 have graduated and are working. Two of them are here at the Sunrise. I don´t know their stories (which would be why Ben and Norma sponsored them) and won´t ask, but it is so neat to see them come to work on time every day, in clean white shirt/blouse and dark trousers/skirt. They are working at entry-level jobs and do not get paid very much. Probation in Uganda also means that you work for free for the first two months. When the pay begins, it comes as the employer is able to afford it. In the hospitality industry, the owners wait until checkout to collect. The five of us are paying our balance as we go.

Climber across from the Sunrise Inn	Hibiscus with variegated leaves	Swiss Cheese plant in the Sunrise Inn garden

The Norben students (now employees) would like to upgrade from the certificate to the diploma (I hear this from everyone) and apply for a better-paying job, in Jinja or Kampala. The higher cost of living there doesn´t register with them, and maybe they´re right that they would be better off.

Today´s highlight was identifying two more species of birds: a robin and a sparrow. Amazing that I came this far to get excited about those species! But both were more colourful than the ones at home....

More later.

To be continued.

ED. NOTE: For more of Carol´s pictures, go to http://members.shaw.ca/vjjsansum/

CORRESPONDENCE

Don Henderson writes: In last week´s Spinner, Bill McNair talks about the Happy Gang. He says they had a skit about "Nattily Attired". My memories are that "Nattily Attired" was a singer who did not sing but "said a song."

I heard this on a radio program that was on for 15 minutes at 7:00 pm. every night. It was called "Bob and Ray" - Ray Goulding and Bob Elliot, if memory serves me right. They were two very talented comedians who had a different slant on humour. I never missed a show if I could help it.

Still enjoying the Spinner; keep up the good work.

ED. NOTE: Thanks, Don - every kind word helps. ;) Yes, I remember Bob and Ray, but not as well as the Happy Gang. Wikipedia introduces them thus: Bob Elliott (born 1923) and Ray Goulding (1922-1990) were an American comedy team whose career spanned five decades. Their format was typically to satirize the medium in which they were performing, such as conducting radio or television interviews, with off-the-wall dialogue presented in a generally deadpan style as though it were a serious interview.

It won´t be long now until the players are on the water-logged courses. Tom Williamson forwards this post for the benefit of newbies:

GOLF EXPLAINED

In my hand I hold a ball,
white and dimpled, rather small.
Oh how bland it does appear,
this harmless-looking little sphere....

By its size I could not guess
the awesome strength it does possess;
But since I fell beneath its spell
I´ve wandered through the fires of hell.

My life has not been quite the same
since I chose to play this stupid game.
It rules my mind for hours on end;
a fortune it has made me spend.

It has made me swear and yell and cry.
I hate myself and want to die.
It promises a thing called par
if I can hit straight and far.

To master such a tiny ball
should not be very hard at all,
But my desires the ball refuses
and does exactly as it chooses.

It hooks and slices, dribbles and dies,
and even disappears before my eyes.
Often it will take a whim
to hit a tree or take a swim.

With miles of grass on which to land,
it finds a tiny patch of sand.
Then has me offering up my soul
if only it would find the hole.

It´s made me whimper like a pup
and swear that I will give it up,
And take a drink to ease my sorrow ...
But the ball knows I´ll be back tomorrow!

Pat Moore sends this list of

THINGS WE WOULD NOT KNOW WITHOUT HELP FROM THE MOVIES

1. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick´s Day parade at any time of the year.

3. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.

4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

5. It´s easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

6. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.

7. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

8. All single women have a cat.

9. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

10. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon, and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

12. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

13. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

14. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

15. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

16. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

17. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.

18. If a killer is lurking in your house, it´s easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath.

19. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

FROM THE EDITOR´S DESK

According to the Vancouver Sun, the grandparent scam has conned two dozen B.C. grandparents out of thousands of dollars. It is largely a phone scam in which someone purporting to be a grandchild claims he needs money immediately for a variety of urgent reasons, and asks for several thousand dollars through Western Union to pay for bail or damages.

However, there is a variant of the scam operating online.

Last week I received a letter signed with the name of a subscriber/ contributor which read: "How are you doing? Hope all is well with you and I pray this email finds you in good health. I am sorry that I didn´t tell you about me leaving for this Conference here in United Kingdom.

"I really hate to ask you but I need favor from you because i misplaced my wallet on my way to the hotel where my money and other valuable things were kept. I really need a loan urgently. I will be needing the sum of $3,200 to sort-out my hotel bills and get myself back home.

"I will appreciate whatever you can afford to help me with, i´ll pay you back as soon as i return. Kindly let me know if you can be of help? so that i can send you the details to use when sending the money via Western Union Money Transfer."

There were several discrepancies in this letter. The first was the prayer for my good health, which is typical of scams originating in Nigeria. The next was the fact that even if the purported writer were at a conference in the United Kingdom, there was no reason for him to tell me about it. Thirdly, the sum was far in excess of what would be needed to pay a hotel bill because a visitor to Britain would have a return ticket. And finally - why ask me? We have had no contact apart from the submission of stories for The Spinner and my editing them.

Offhand I can think of only three people who could legitimately ask for a couple of thousand dollars from me to bail them out of an emergency - my children and my grandson. If one of them were to go to a conference, I would know about it in advance; if one of them lost his/her wallet, he/she would not ask me for help.

However, I can see that if a supposed grandchild were to send an e- mail to a grandparent claiming to be in dire straits, that grandparent might be persuaded to help out. But wouldn´t the grandparent wonder why the grandchild had not applied to his parents? Police are advising seniors to ask questions of any supposed cash- strapped relative, such as what school they attended, or what their parents´ names are, if they suspect they are being scammed.

I get scams in my junk mail every day. If I could actually collect all the money so freely offered, I would be rich beyond my wildest dreams. I got one this week addressed to "Beloved" - a dead giveaway! I´ve won money in lotteries I never heard of; I´ve been offered percentages of funds being smuggled out of various troubled regions in the world.... Jay and I exchange the funniest ones, vying with each other to "win" the most money.

Scammers are smart, and they are always thinking up new ways to extract money from victims. Check out Top New Articles in this week´s ScamBusters (http://arunaurl.com/3ge3) for an article on a book on scams and movie favourites that offer useful insights into the criminal mind.

THIS WEEK´S SUGGESTED SITES

Carol Hansen sends the URL for a video of a wee drummer boy whose enjoyment is infectious:

Jean Sterling writes: When I read about the senior moments in the newsletter it reminded me of a funny video I saw a while back. Anyway, I found it on YouTube (they have everything on YouTube) and here is the link:

Nevil Horsfall suggests this YouTube video of American figure skaters performing Indian style:

Pat Moore sends the URL for a time-stop video of a man who walked for a year in northern China:

Shirley Conlon sends the trailer for a film which has its world premiere on April 23 in Vancouver. The film is a documentary that explores Canada´s relationship to its fresh water:

Vandana Shiva maintains we should value soil, not oil. In particular, she focuses on food security and sustainable farming to protect and promote the most elemental form of life: the seed.