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IN THIS ISSUE

• Dick Monaghan has confused memories of a hospital stay
• Geoff Goodship writes about a growing interest in mason bees
• Jack Peaker shares some of his beliefs
• Don Henderson´s story is probably funny fiction
• Carol Hansen forwards a story of a sensitive Irishman
• The editor reports on the discussion of web page design
• Bruce Galway, Carol Hansen, and Pat Moore suggest websites

Dick Monaghan, another of our ailing long-time subscribers and contributors, sends his impressions of a recent hospital visit:

OH, NURSE!

The big reason I go to the hospital is the free socks. You know, the vivid aquamarine kind with the non-skid pattern on the bottom.

The last time I went, the whole thing took on a Marx Bros. movie air I found amusing - after I got home.

My hospital values sheep-like docility in its patients, and it´s a firm believer in the motto "Better living through chemistry." Consequently, I began to awake one morning, barely conscious of my own existence. A chipper voice was relaying information like water from a garden hose, while I was not only having trouble figuring out where I was, but who I was. The voice went on and on.

Then a second voice joined the first (a nurse), and identified its owner as a physical therapist there to assess my abilities. Then a lady came in with breakfast, followed by a housekeeper, a social worker, and a doctor, who did not like the crowded atmosphere. Each of these people seemed to be conducting a KGB investigation, asking question after question. It seemed to me this went on the entire day, although it probably didn´t.

Added to this was the second patient in the room, whose relatives related their intimate lives to all within hearing distance, apparently hoping a talent scout for a "reality" TV show was in attendance.

"My husband´s children never liked me," she sighed, "although God knows I did everything I could for them." Lady, that´s the plot to a great many soap operas; what did you expect as the step-mother, and nobody cares anyway. That´s what I would have said. Meanwhile, the patient she´s come to visit says he´s really, really going to quit drinking this time. If that woman is close to him, I can see why he started.

All of the professional people who come in have clipboards, and many of the same questions, but they don´t seem to want to talk to each other, so that I quickly lose track of what is being asked and answered.

Eventually, they give me piles of pills to take home and send me out the door.

I think I´ll shop for socks on the internet in the future.

Geoff Goodship writes in praise of a gardener´s helper:

THE MASON BEE BUZZ

You can click on the pictures for a larger version.

If you´re a gardener, you already know that it´s mason bee season. If you´re not a gardener, your gardener friends will quickly and tirelessly tell you that this is a most interesting time of the year because it´s when the mason bees hatch. It used to be that in the dark and dreary months we gardeners spent many hours perusing seed catalogues. Not anymore. The modern gardener spends this time researching the latest on mason bees. Why? Well, these critters are animated, they are sexy, they are smart, and they are highly entertaining. I have friends who spend hours watching their mason bee antics at this time of year. In short, they are adding new meaning to the word "garden entertainers."

Mason bees get their name from their intriguing masonry skills. They make compartments of mud in holes in wood. In the wild, mason bees make their nests in rotting wood in holes made by other boring insects. On the other hand, gardeners go to great lengths to provide the perfect spot to rear the next generation. The holes have to be just the right size, (5/16) and made with the right kind of wood bit. The wood has to be just the right kind: seasoned maple is preferred. Just the right location is another important variable. The bees prefer a sunny but sheltered location. You can order your high-tech colour-coordinated mason bee condominium online. The more expensive ones are made of glass or other clear material so you can become a mason bee peeping Tom.

Blue orchard mason

It can be a little tricky to find a mason bee nest in the wild. In the urban and suburban garden it is quite straightforward. Just look for a gardener staring at a wall, a post, or an innocuous- looking block of wood. The bees emerge from their cocoons in the spring. The males come out first. They remain near the nests, waiting for the females. When the females emerge, the first thing they do is mate. The males die and the females begin provisioning their nests. Does this sound familiar? The females then visit nearby flowers, gathering pollen and nectar. In the process they carry on pollination, which is the reason that gardeners originally got into raising mason bees. Of course, the bees entertainment factor has changed all this.

Mason bee larvae

Once a provision mass is complete, the female backs into the hole and lays an egg on top of the mass. Then she creates a partition of mud which doubles as the wall of the next cell. The process continues until she has filled the cavity. The female orchard mason bee lives for about a month and can produce one or two eggs each day. Female- destined eggs are laid in the back of the nest, and male eggs towards the front. The males get the front of the house for an obvious reason. [See above]. The larva hatches from the egg after a few days and begins to eat its provisions. When the pollen-nectar mass is completely eaten in about 10 days, the larva spins a cocoon and pupates within the cell. That´s it. It´s game over till next spring.

Since they have no honey to defend, they will only sting if you go out of your way to annoy or endanger them. All of this spectator- friendly mating, gorging, and pollinating happens in a relatively short period of time. Once a female has finished with a nest, she plugs the entrance to the hole and then may seek out another nest location. After completing one or two nests, the female also dies. [Soft and sad music, please] The adult matures in the fall or winter, while hibernating inside its insulator cocoon. The next you will see of them is on a warm day the following spring, unless you follow the advice of avid mason bee keepers who bring their pets into a cool spot in the house for the winter.

Google and YouTube have a full hive of mason bee information. My favourite is a mason bee folk song, detailing the lifecycle of this interesting springtime adventurer. The link is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tSKlAM1rZ4

Jack Peaker shares these thoughts:

I BELIEVE

I believe that just because two people argue, it doesn´t mean they don´t love each other. And just because they don´t argue, it doesn´t mean they do love each other.

I believe that we don´t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe that no matter how good a friend is, they´re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe that it´s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them .

I believe that you can keep going long after you think you can´t.

I believe that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you´re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe that sometimes when I´m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn´t give me the right to be cruel.

I believe that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you´ve had and what you´ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you´ve celebrated.

I believe that it isn´t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe that no matter how badly your heart is broken, the world doesn´t stop for your grief.

I believe that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe that you shouldn´t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don´t even know you.

I believe that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I believe that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I believe the happiest people don´t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

Don Henderson makes no claim that this story is true:

SOMETIMES IT DOES TAKE A ROCKET SCIENTIST!

Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer´s back-rest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.

Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:

"Defrost the chicken."

Carol Hansen forwards the story of

THE DISCREET IRISHMAN

Six retired Irishmen are playing poker in O´Leary´s apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.

After a few more hands, Michael O´Conner looks around and says, "Oh, me boys, someone has to tell Paddy´s wife. Who will it be?"

They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don´t make a bad situation any worse.

"Discreet? I´m the most discreet Irishman you´ll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me."

Gallagher goes over to Murphy´s house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks him what he wants.

Gallagher declares, "Mrs. Gallagher, your Paddy just lost $500 in a poker game and he is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!" says Murphy´s wife.

"I´ll go tell him...." says Gallagher.

FROM THE EDITOR´S DESK

Burke Dykes, who publishes the other website that carries The Tale Spinner, explains why all the readers who expressed their preference between the jazzy version and the plain version of Jay´s website opted for the original:

"You must have guessed that I would have to weigh-in on the web design controversy - and it has been quite a controversy as long as I have been creating web sites. I got involved in the ´early´ days (1993) designing for the Lynx text-based browser, and later that same year got involved with the Mosaic graphic interface browser.

"The question has always been: "Do you design with plain pages containing links and text (nice blue, underlined links) - or do you design for visual appeal?" I have to say that many of the very "pretty" sites can be very difficult to navigate - links are often hidden in the very attractive design. Well, now you can guess which side of the argument I line up with.

"To further solidify my views, I have been teaching computer courses to seniors for the past 15 years and I can assure you that the ´plain´ sites are much easier for them to navigate."

Many of us belong to "them" and do prefer unadorned sites. Probably most of us have been confronted by web pages that have left us frustrated. I know that I have given up on some of them, even though I was interested in the product or service.

Just for fun, Jay will put up more examples of pages he prefers for a few weeks. Perhaps he will come up with one on which we can all agree. Check out the usual version at

and then have a look at the alternate version at

THIS WEEK´S SUGGESTED SITES

Bruce Galway forwards the URL for a great example of bafflegab. Several years ago, Rockwell International decided to get into the heavy-duty transmission business. They were getting ready to tape a first introduction video, and as a warm up, the professional narrator began what has become a legend within the trucking industry. This is strictly off the cuff; nothing is written down. This became the biggest talk in the industry, vs the new product which they were introducing.

Carol Hansen sends this URL for a video of a surprising contestant in a UK talent show:

Speaking of old-time TV shows, Pat Moore forwards this site which has a great selection:

For those interested in working on their family trees, Pat sends the URL for a site which offers free templates:

For another challenging lecture in the TED series, check out