Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2010-29

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IN THIS ISSUE

• Lyle Meeres comes to the end of his river cruise story
• We get letters from Carol Dilworth and Charles King
• Pat Moore has fond memories of a visit to Newfoundland
• Doris Dignard explains the HST for new victims of that tax
• The editor faces another problem, along with many other people
• Barbara Wear, Pat Moore, and Tony Lewis forward sites

Lyle Meeres concludes the story of their

EUROPEAN RIVER CRUISE

We had been looking forward to day 13 because we were to get our first glimpse of Vienna. Maybe it was overblown expectations, or maybe we got up cranky, but Pat and I agreed that the morning tour was the poorest so far. We had two guides. The first lady shouted into the microphone and was very condescending. The first part of the drive was through grungy commercial streets.

Eventually we saw some impressive modern architecture and then we were at the Old Town. We did see the Opera House from the outside. We started walking at St. Stephen´s Cathedral (yet again!) which had an impressive rosette but was very dark, and we preferred Passau´s interior. We walked to the Spanish Riding School through a very expensive shopping area, Graben. We had to stand to watch the training session of Lipizzaner horses. Because we had seen them perform in a television special, we thought the training session showed little of what these wonderful horses could do. The young horses have colour but become white as they mature (someone said "Like us.") Some horses did a few side steps and we could see timing and spacing were developing. After the show we killed time waiting for our guide and then walked to the bus. At the cathedral, one passenger, Norm, had a heart pain until his wife gave him a glycerine tablet, but he nearly collapsed. At the boat Pat asked how he was doing and he said, "Much better."

The afternoon tour by the second guide, Birgitte, was much better. Called "Imperial Vienna," the tour started with a trip down to the crypt where sarcophagi traced the lineage of rulers, but it was also interesting to see the changing trends in decoration. Some of these massive coffins were extremely elaborate, but the further we went into the crypt, the simpler they became. Then we walked through the imperial rooms ,where we saw something of life in earlier times. The bedrooms, bath, and dining room were revealing. If each glass in front of an imperial person was filled once, there was a risk of inebriation.

Morning of a new day, our last full day on the cruise. Frank, a passenger born in Budapest, told Anne and Bill to be on the sundeck as we arrived in Budapest, on day 14. Pat and I looked out our window and saw nothing but fog. However, as we got closer to Budapest, the fog began to lift, and we were able to see a town or village, churches ,and people. By the time we got to Budapest, most of the fog was gone, revealing a beautiful skyline of old buildings, the jewel of the Danube.

We looked from the sundeck until it was time to leave with Anita, our guide. Budapest was once three cities. We went first to Pest, which is the flat side of the Danube, subject to floods ... and lots of graffiti. We saw Hero Square, which has a large flat area and then a curved platform with statues. There were shops and large old houses. We went past the Opera House, over the Chain Bridge to the Buda side, and walked around Castle Hill and into Matthias Church. At one time the area fell to the Turks, who decorated the inside of the church with designs - human and animal images are not allowed in the Muslim faith.

We saw the view from Fishermen´s Bastion, and then another view from the Citadel area on Gellert Hill. We were warned to avoid gypsies conning tourists in a gambling game. Sure enough, we saw a gypsy moving three little boxes swiftly around in a variation of "which shell is the pea under?" We were able to spot the shill who won but could not tell if other people around were tourists. Our little book on Budapest said to beware the scam of "passport police" asking for passports and money - there is no such thing as passport police. If necessary, we were advised to walk away or shout "Police", and to carry only a copy of our passport. None of us had a problem but Donna said that with Gordon in another location, they had run into that scam. Gordon had said, "Take us to the police station and we´ll see about passports there." They outlasted the con artists.

After this great view, we had a sampling lunch with a bit of wine at the Central Market Hall. I nearly scalded my mouth on an innocent- looking bit of pale green pepper, which gave me instant hiccups. The salami samples varied from truly innocent to somewhat spicy. Our guide book had said check out the Folkart Centrum shops for handicrafts on the upper level, so we wandered. The lower level had all kinds of meats and vegetables. The upper level had lace and needlework and some interesting blue dishes, but all we bought was a two-pack of paprika and a photo book on Budapest. Then it was back to the Casanova for more Hungarian food, and packing.

The morning cab was far cheaper than the Amsterdam ride. The flight home was on a very modern- looking Air Canada plane where each seat had a choice of movies, television, or music, which did shorten the flight. Paulette drove us home to a better sleep where we were actually together.

CORRESPONDENCE

Carol Dilworth comments on items in the last issue:

Anne Rahamut writes: "Cat cartoons are really great. I´ve kept this one for years. It depicts a cat sitting before his dinner bowl, staring at a notice pinned on the wall at his eye level. The notice reads, ´Remember, you are a guest in this house.´

"ED. NOTE: I can´t imagine the cat being impressed by such a notice."

Silly you, the cat was admiring his own handwriting!

Relating to the site which claimed you should not send a man to do the shopping: "I have two LARGE bottles of lemon juice recently purchased by guess who. It takes me about a year to use one small bottle of lemon juice."

Add lemon juice to fresh cold tap water and freeze; take frozen on walks in very hot weather or just enjoy in the home; also good for softening the back of the hands and cleaning under nails after gardening.

"ED. NOTE: Our treadle sewing machine was a Singer, and while I never became a seamstress, I still had it many years after I was married and widowed. I don´t remember what became of it...."

I have my mother´s Singer on my desk as I type this; it´s the only sewing machine I´ve ever learned to use and hopefully it will outlive me.

"I marked the first really warm day we´ve had this year by passing out in a little green grocer´s aisle, where I created a traffic jam, especially after seven paramedics came in. For the second time in three months I found myself in an ambulance, which I´ll swear hit every bump on the road to the emergency...."

Announcement: if you´re going to create an addiction to The Tale Spinner, this just has to stop! Hope it was only the heat and maybe not enough to eat before going out.

Charles King writes from Ottawa: I was alarmed to read of your fainting spell in the grocery shop, and the unpleasant time you had in the hospital emergency department. We count on you to take better care of yourself for the sake of all your readers, not to mention your friendly feline. We have been "camping in" for a week with local temperatures hitting 34 Celsius, not emerging for anything or anyone until the heat goes down a bit. Fortunately, we had a good rainfall last night, which worked wonders.

Pat Moore finds that a problem leads to a series of happy memories of a

VISIT TO NEWFOUNDLAND

On June 28, a glorious summer day, I spent the entire day on the phone trying to untangle a "bit of a mess" re the government records and my pension account. There is a two-hour time difference between Alberta and Ottawa, so I started the day at 6:30 a.m. as all government offices open at 8:30.

I must say I was amazed at the cheerful help I received from all the various departments as I was transferred from one to another. During the day I spoke to offices in Ottawa, Hamilton, Toronto, Edmonton, and Newfoundland (three times). It was wonderful to speak to the girls in Newfoundland and hear their accents, which I love. Since I had to speak to Newfoundland several times regarding my pension, it reminded me of the time when I had the opportunity to visit the east coast of Canada.

While living in Ontario we had visited as far east in Canada as Quebec, but the chance to visit the east coast never happened. Finally, after moving west to Alberta, we had to go to a conference in Newfoundland, and I was thrilled. I was not thrilled when I found out the cost for a return ticket to Calgary - $999 plus tax, so over $1000! - so over budget with a growing family. I can never understand why it costs so much for people to travel in their own country.

I was so annoyed that I started to investigate to find a cheaper way. Much to my surprise, I found there was a "visit England" special on at the time of the conference. A ticket for $348 covered the flight to London (with a mandatory three-day stay), return to Canada, with a no-penalty lay-over in Newfoundland (no time limit), and to fly to any other airports on the east coast with no penalties before returning to Calgary. WOW!

Immediately I booked the flight before they changed their minds. The flight to England was uneventful and I slept and relaxed the whole way in order to have lots of energy for a quick three-day stay in London and then to Newfoundland.

Drifting iceberg

Coastline of Newfoundland

Another one

The city of St. John´s was very interesting, and being close to the ocean was wonderful. However, it was the car trips up the coast the I will always remember - especially seeing the majestic melting icebergs drifting by.

Another memorable event during the conference was the invitation to join the Royal Order of the Screech - and after a busy day and dinner at the conference we proceeded to the special event.

Newfoundland Screech is a particularly strong liquor, sold in Newfoundland and originally imported from Jamaica, which enjoys fame in many parts of Canada.

Legend of the Screech: Would they have sailed 5,000 miles for bad rum? Not bloody likely! The rough and ready crews from the rugged island of Newfoundland knew there was a singularly smooth and delicious rum waiting for them at the end of their wind-swept journey. A Jamaican rum brought back by sailors in the 1700s, Screech soon became a Newfoundland favorite and has stayed so for generations.

According to legend, screech was first created in the days of the Triangle Trade, when the same barrels were used to carry both molasses and rum, and were only occasionally cleaned. The barrels built up a deposit of very strong sweet sediment at the bottom, which was melted out with boiling water and either fermented or mixed with grain alcohol. The longer the screech sat, the cheaper and "lower class" it became. This concoction eventually became known as screech.

Long before any liquor board was created, the Jamaican rum that was eventually to be known as screech was a mainstay of the Newfoundland diet. Salt fish was shipped to the West Indies in exchange for rum; the fish became the national dish of Jamaicans and the rum became the traditional drink of Newfoundlanders. Not being overly concerned with alcohol content, the early fishermen tended to drink the rum at incredibly high strength with no attempt made to temper the taste.

The certificate(click to enlarge)

Screech ritual: the person has to don the gear of a Newfoundlander fisherman, a heavy yellow slicker and matching hat, then to drink a shot of screech, kiss a cold and slimy codfish on the mouth, be patted on each shoulder with a heavy paddle and answer the question, "Is ye an honorary Newfoundlander?" with the phrase, "Indeed I is, me ol´ cock, and long may your big jib draw." After completing these tasks, they receive an official "Screecher" certificate.

While on the east coast it was a great chance to visit Prince Edward Island for a few days and to stay at a B&B run by a terrific couple. The husband was a lobster fisherman, so we had a great day out on his boat. P.E.I. is famous for its beaches and another day was spent walking the beaches and just taking in the sight and smell of the ocean. We managed to get tickets to see the famous play "Anne of Green Gables" and it was wonderful. It was also interesting to note that almost half the audience were Japanese, as the book is famous in Japan.

May is a great month to visit the east as that is the time the Rotarians hold their famous once-a-year lobster dinners as fund- raising events. While in P.E.I. we attended one and it was fabulous. The seating each night was for 1500 and for $15, everyone received fresh lobster bisque, a two-pound lobster, baked potato, homemade rolls, melted butter, pie and coffee ... all served by Rotarians, with great local music in the background. What a meal!

Then on to a short visit to Halifax, Nova Scotia; the flight back to Calgary; and then the drive home to Red Deer. Many "Newfies" come to Alberta to work in the Alberta oil patch industry and because of my membership in the Royal Order of the Screech, I often join the Newfie groups in Red Deer when they plan their yearly lobster dinners, music, and of course, playing cards.

What a great trip for $348 - it was well worth it.

Doris Dignard clarifies some of the issues we have with the hated

HARMONIZED SALES TAX, better known as HST

Sometime this year, taxpayers in Ontario will receive an "HST Compensation" payment. This is indeed a very exciting program, and I´ll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is an "HST Compensation" payment?

A. It is money that the provincial government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high- definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn´t that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the economy by spending your compensation cheque wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka;

* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs;

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan, or China;

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala;

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea;

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan;

* If you pay your credit cards off or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in Canada by:

1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to hockey games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or

5) Tattoos

(These are the only Canadian businesses still operating in Canada.)

Conclusion:

Go to a hockey game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!

No need to thank me. I´m just glad I could be of help.

FROM THE EDITOR´S DESKTOP

This week my doctor´s receptionist phoned to say that he has given up his practice because of ill health.

I was alarmed by this news because my prescriptions are about to run out, and while I may debate the necessity of finding better health through chemistry, I am not ready to jettison the lot of them in view of my recent visit to the emergency ward.

I was told I would have to go to the doctor´s office for an authorization; take it to the pharmacy to have a printed list made of the prescriptions; and then go to a walk-in clinic to have them okayed. In the meantime, I could start looking for another physician.

The extent of the disaster did not dawn on me until I turned up in the office, only to find it full of ex-patients waiting for their medical records. The ship had hit an iceberg when the captain became too unwell to carry on, and dozens of patients were flung into the cold waters, floundering to find another ship to rescue them.

We all know how difficult it is to find a private physician these days, and when a sizeable number of patients all start looking at once, the whole system is overwhelmed. There are few doctors taking private patients now, and the walk-in clinic in my area had already phoned the office to ask that no more patients be sent to them because they were overwhelmed.

In the meantime, I have begun to research medical alarms so that I may continue to live independently without imposing on family or friends. Unfortunately, the two systems that looked most promising connect through land phone lines, and my phone connects over the internet. It looks as if I may have to go back to a land line just to connect the alarm.

I realize that my problems are miniscule when compared to those of the world we live in, or to those of the doctor, or the many patients whose health is more precarious than mine, but I can´t help feeling aggrieved at times. However, I am most grateful to all those who wrote to express concern about my well-being, and I thank you all.

Does anyone know any good jokes?

SUGGESTED SITES

Barbara Wear asks, Who says "old" people don´t rock? You will enjoy this singer in the seriesBritain´s Got Talent:

Pat Moore sends this site for a fabulous space trip via NASA

For those who still bake, Pat suggests this site for favourite cookies from all over the world - Australia, New Zealand, Africa, Asia, Europe....

Tony Lewis forwards this link to an exhibition by the Royal Guard of Norway:

For Abe Books´ pick of the 25 best book club selections, go to

Technologist and futurist Bill Joy shares several big worries for humanity - and several big hopes in the fields of health, education, and future tech: