Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2010-31

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IN THIS ISSUE

• Margaret Manning continues her story of a New Zealand holiday
• We get letters from Betty Audet, Betty Fehlhaber, and Burke Dykes
• Bruce Cameron´s mother gets a medic alarm
• Pat Moore forwards a story about a man who circumnavigated the world
• Gerrit deLeeuw describes a lesson learned early in a marriage
• Burke sends some of the warning labels on merchandise
• The editor has a major crash of her computer
• Sites are recommended by Bruce Galway, Gerrit, Pat, and Tom Williamson

Margaret Manning continues her account of a visit to

SOUTH ISLAND, NEW ZEALAND

On the Sunday Chris and Jo took us over to Akaroa, a good two-hour trip from Christchurch over Banks Peninsula. The outstanding scenery was formed as a result of three volcanic eruptions millions of years ago. These created a very indented coastline, and a rugged landscape. Akaroa town was settled by French explorers in 1840, although the area was well known to Maori long before that. French street names have been retained and many original cottages built on fertile land are still there.

Akaroa, with its quaint and charming atmosphere, is a haven for tourists. As well as learning about the fur seals, little blue penguins and rare dolphins that reside here, visitors can enjoy fishing, harbour cruises, exploring the quaint and interesting boutique shops, and sampling Akaroa salmon, specialist cheeses, and a glass of local wine.

Once over the "big hill", Chris turned onto an alternative road back to Christchurch. This skirted many tranquil bays so there was a lot of "oohs" and "wows" from us. He then drove up part of Summit Road, which is quite steep and high enough to have snow in winter. Our side of the road was against the hill, fortunately - the seaward side has a sheer drop to the water.

Sumner has the feel of an old-fashioned coastal town in England, where families can enjoy the simple pleasure of building sand- castles, having a swim, trying a bit of fishing, or taking a walk along the promenade. We enjoyed watching all these activities while savouring our strong coffees at the cafe alongside the beach.

New Brighton is a bit further up the coast. This has a long pier always busy with people like us having a stroll, and hopeful fishermen casting their lines into the often-turbulent sea. It was particularly busy the day we were there. Local artist Peter Donnelly was completing his 1012th sand drawing. He creates amazing pictures on the sand, using only a long stick and a broom. These are best viewed from the pier, from which coins are thrown onto the beach to say "thank you" for his work. He has a website showing some of his drawings. By the time he was totally satisfied with his creation, the tide was coming in and about to destroy it.

(To be continued)

CORRESPONDENCE

Betty Audet writes: I was very interested in the report of your heart monitoring. They did this to my husband about three weeks ago. He took it off himself so he could get his bath before he went to the hospital.

We have not been talking to the doctor since, but the staff reported by phone that it was satisfactory. The doctor has been on holiday until about three days ago but has signed papers for my husband´s hearing testing. Next week my husband gets new hearing aids. Boy, I hope they work.

Betty Fehlhaber writes: I read with amusement Gerrit deLeeuw´s story about the Okanagan. Back on August 1st, 1972, I moved to Kelowna and thought I´d never become used to the heat. However, these days I say, "Bring it on." In the winter I only leave the house for necessities because I´m not at all fond of the cold. I even need a mid-winter break in Mexico to warm these old bones. I can´t wait for summer - and I don´t live in an air-conditioned house. The one beautiful thing about the Okanagan, it always seems to cool down to a reasonable 15 to 18 C at night, so there is no problem sleeping. When asked on a 35- degree day if it´s hot enough, I always reply, "Never too hot for me."

Burke Dykes writes: It sounds as if they fitted you with a "holter" or similar monitor. I did that little number about six weeks ago. The results were inconclusive, so they rigged me up with an "Ace of Hearts" monitor, which I had to wear 24 hours a day for seven days. Again, nada. That second monitor ran $475 per day for the seven days. A bit over $4000 for the futile exercise - I am so grateful for Medicare and my supplementary insurance!

It seems that I have an arrhythmia which hides from monitors - and returns as soon as the monitoring period ends.

ED. NOTE: This procedure is obviously more common than I thought. I had never heard of it before, and now it turns out to be not unusual. I just hope they have no intention of lumbering me with a seven-day exercise in coping with wires and monitors. I have enough problems with those on my computer!

With the permission of W. Bruce Cameron, this story is reprinted from his blog athttp://www.brucecameron.com/:

FALLING FOR IT

You´ve probably heard the expression "I´ve fallen and I can´t get up," which would be a very appropriate Official Motto for my 401(k). It´s often heard in old TV commercials, in which an elderly woman summons medical assistance via a transmitter in a necklace medallion that looks a little like something Mr. T would wear.

"I´ve fallen and I can´t get up, though I am smiling and cheerful because I´m not exactly the world´s best actor," she says.

This commercial speaks to me because I am a member of what is sometimes called the ´sandwich generation," stuck between having children who need financial support and parents who want me to make them a sandwich.

My parents don´t think they need my assistance, of course, even though my tiny mother has a dog that weighs 100 pounds, which means it outweighs her by roughly 100 pounds. The dog is gentle and loving but when it sees a squirrel, it takes off with a force that could pull a truck out of a ditch, and I know that if my Mom fell and screamed for help, my dad would jump right up to rescue her as soon as it was halftime.

So I tried to talk my mother into getting one of those "I´ve fallen" transmitters.

"No, Audrey has one of those; it´s silly; it looks like she won the Olympics," my mother said dismissively.

When I asked her what would happen if she fell in the yard, she replied that she wasn´t planning to fall. "I don´t think anyone plans to fall, Mom," I told her.

My father wasn´t much help either. "What happens if Mom falls outside and yells for you, would you hear her and be able to go help her?" I asked him.

"Depends who´s playing," he responded.

But then something interesting happened: Audrey, she of the Olympic- medal transmitter, did fall at her house. My mother was there at the time, as were several other women from her church, and I don´t know what they were doing at the time but I don´t think it was karate or anything; Audrey just fell down.

Now, these women are all very nice, but when it comes to trying to help a fallen comrade - well, let´s just say that my diminutive mother is the big one of the group. They wisely decided that if they tried to lift Audrey, they would one by one injure themselves until all the ladies wound up lying there in a pile. Besides, Audrey had been wearing a medical transmitter around her neck for a couple of months and was eager to try it out, so she pushed the button.

The ladies decided to sit back down at the table and look casual in case the police arrived and suspected them of pushing Audrey over on purpose. But it wasn´t the police who responded, it was the fire department, in the form of a man named Jerry, who, as my mom later described him to me, was apparently built entirely of biceps.

Jerry tenderly reached down and scooped up Audrey, who put her arms around Jerry´s neck and lay her head on his chest. He carried her over to a chair and gently set her down, which took a few minutes because Audrey wouldn´t let go. Finally he told her that he thought she had a bad sprain, though how anything could be considered "bad" when Audrey was giggling so much is difficult to say.

My mother volunteered to take Audrey to the ER for an X-ray, which earned her a dirty look from Audrey, who wanted to go in Jerry´s car, and then maybe later drive up to Make Out Point. Jerry left, after politely refusing offers of coffee, a slice of pie, and a muscle rub.

So naturally now my mother is buying a medical transmitter (what she calls a "dial-a-hunk necklace") and for all I know is out in the yard setting up trip wires. Until it arrives from the mail-order company, she´s spending a lot of time over at Audrey´s house, probably making Audrey run obstacle courses.

So it looks like I was wrong: Sometimes, people do plan to fall.

ED. NOTE: I´m working on getting a dial-a-hunk necklace, but I noticed that many of the medics in the ambulance were women, so sounding the alarm may not be as effective as this call.

Pat Moore forwards this story of a man who used his own muscle power to

CIRCUMNAVIGATE THE WORLD

A British man kayaked, pedaled, walked, swam and skated to become the first person to circumnavigate the globe by human muscle alone.

Jason Lewis, 40, shunned motor and sail to travel 45,505 miles in a quest that ended when he pulled his pedal boat across the Meridian line at the Royal Observatory in Greenwich in October, 2007.

The epic journey took him 13 years, two months, 23 days and 11 hours. Lewis capsized in two oceans, was chased by a crocodile in Australia, had two bouts of malaria, surgery for two hernias, and nearly died of blood poisoning 1,300 miles off Hawaii.

He also suffered acute altitude sickness in the Himalayas, broke both legs when he was hit by a car in Colorado, and was arrested as a spy in Egypt.

"It´s been a big, long journey. It´s good to be back," a thin, leathered and weeping Lewis said simply as he crossed the finish line.

Just incredible - and we feel as if we´ve accomplished something when we walk a few blocks to the corner store and back.

To learn more about this amazing adventure, go to

http://www.expedition360.com/who_we_are/jason_lewis_bio.htm
or
http://arunaurl.com/3kml

Gerrit deLeeuw sends this example of effective

HUSBAND TRAINING

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful and loving couple."

The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

The husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America. We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona, and we took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse. We hadn´t gone too far when my wife´s horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, ´That´s once.´

"We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, ´That´s twice.´

"We hadn´t gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

"I shouted at her, ´What´s wrong with you, woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? Are you $%#@! crazy?´ She looked at ME, and quietly said, ´That´s once.´

"And from that moment on ... we have lived happily ever after."

Burke Dykes writes: In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:

WARNING LABELS

On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (I´ll remember that.)

On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (... and that would be how?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but it´s "just" a suggestion.)

On Tesco´s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well ... duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (... and you thought?)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn´t this save me more time?)

On Boot´s Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those five- year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and I´m taking this because?)

On Sunsbury´s peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh ... fly Delta?)

On a child´s superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don´t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (... was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

FROM THE EDITOR´S DESKTOP

They say it´s not a matter of whether or not your computer will crash; it´s a question of when.

My Power Mac crashed big time on Wednesday night, leaving me bewildered and bereft. I had the Spinner partly edited and all my files inaccessible, and I was contemplating having Jay´s website announce that due to unforeseen technical difficulties, there would be no Spinner this week. I would not have been able to send individual announcements because of course my mailing list was also in limbo.

Jay advised me not to panic, and tried for an hour and a half to talk me through repairing and restarting my OS X. I couldn´t get it to work, probably because I operate a computer the way I used to drive a car - I started it, stepped on the gas, and steered. I don´t even know the names for the parts of the computer, which left Jay wondering what in the world I was talking about. He is not the most patient tutor and I am far from being a bright student, so it was a frustrating time.

Finally, about midnight, he offered to come over Thursday morning to see what he could do. I accepted his offer gratefully, in spite of the fact that workmen were arriving to change my single-paned front windows to double-glazed, and I was slated to go to the clinic to get the results of the heart monitoring.

To shorten this story, the workmen arrived and moved all the furniture away from the windows and removed the big sheets of glass, and I went to the clinic. Probably because of the new computer system the hospital has installed, the results still had not arrived, so I have a couple of blood tests slated and a command to come again next Friday.

In the meantime, Jay had arrived and walked in the wide-open door and started working on the computer. Finally, by running Tech Tool and the utilities disk, he restored my computer to where it is functioning, but because it is an antique by computer standards, he bought me a new external drive to back it up. He also bought me a new seven-port hub and a surge power bar, telling me these were my Christmas presents.

By that time, the workmen had installed the new windows but still had finishing work to do on them, and the cat had retired under the bed, where he stayed until well after everything had quietened down. He´s still spooked because the furniture is all out of place, the rugs are moved, and the venetian blinds are shuddering in the westerly wind blowing in the two small windows that open. Cats don´t like change.

If I encounter any more technical disasters I will tell you, either after they are fixed, or on the websites if they are not. Those sites again: http://members.shaw.ca/vjjsansum/ or http://nw-seniors.org/stories.html. If you are concerned about continuity, I suggest you bookmark them.

SUGGESTED WEBSITES

Bruce Galway sends a link to a video of a woman getting friendly with an elephant seal:

Gerrit deLeeuw writes: Just put your mouse on a city anywhere in the world on this map and thenewspaper headlines pop up. Double click on the city and the newspaper page gets larger. You can read the entire paper on some if you click on the right place.

Pat Moore suggests this link to Earth Cam, which has cameras set up all over the world that allowvisitors access to live images from across the globe:

Pat also suggests this site for old cowboy songs:

And for songs of the ´50s, Tom Williamson sends this link: