Home  >> Stories  >> The Tale Spinner #2018-43

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IN THIS ISSUE

• In this Heroic Story, a woman writes about reaching out
• Irene Harvalias forwards quotes by famous people
• Catherine Nesbitt sends a story about technology taking over
• Tom Telfer imagines that his body is an aging car
• Barbara Wear shares some clever definitions
• Sites are suggested by Barbara Wear and Catherine Nesbitt

A woman from Oregon writes about the importance of

REACHING OUT

After I´d left the corporate world behind in 2001 to pursue another career path, I learned that a former co-worker (I´ll call her "Kathy") was too ill to work. I got in touch with her. We went out to lunch a few times. I called once in a while. No big deal, or so I thought.

A year or so later, my own life went to hell in a handbasket. My marriage had disintegrated past all hope of repair. Because of a huge expensive house, my estranged husband and I were forced to live together until it sold.

After six months, when we finally got our first offer, the buyers wanted possession in 30 days. We hadn´t even talked about who would get what. I also needed to get rid of items neither of us wanted, pack the rest, and move. There wasn´t enough time to find a long-term place, so I decided to put most of my things into storage and find temporary lodging for me, my two cats, and my home office.

Imagine my surprise when Kathy, who had become my confidante as my marriage fell apart, offered me a room in her house for as long as I needed. Then she came over to help me pack, organize and run a garage sale. When my father took ill in the middle of my move, she took over whatever needed doing. I was floored, but exceedingly grateful.

I lived in Kathy´s house for a couple of months, eventually found a condo, and settled in there. Even though I ended up a half an hour away, Kathy and I talk almost daily and see each other often. She has supported me through moving, career developments, romantic entanglements, and my own illness. She never seems able to do enough for me, though I couldn´t figure out what I´d done to deserve such a wonderful friend.

In 2004 I asked Kathy that very question. It seems that when she was ill, suffering from major clinical depression, I was the only one who kept reaching out to her.

Even though what I did seemed to me hardly worth mentioning, it had a huge impact on her. Ironically, she told me that she didn´t think that she had done that much for me, either. Yet for me, having her support made a tremendous difference in my life.

Again and again, the lesson of Heroic Stories is that little things mean a lot. I have had that lesson driven home. I take much more care about saying unkind words, even when apparently deserved, for I can´t know what a horrid day, week, or year the other person may be having.

I will never again hesitate about reaching out. Even if my gesture seems insignificant, I can´t know how much it may mean to the other person - or how he or she will respond.

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Irene Harvalias forwards these

QUOTES BY FAMOUS PEOPLE

"Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, ´Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.´" - Lillian Carter, mother of Jimmy Carter

"I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - ´No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.´" - Eleanor Roosevelt

"Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement." - Mark Twain

"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year." - Victor Borge

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." - Mark Twain

"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you´ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you´ll become a philosopher." - Socrates

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." - Groucho Marx

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe." - Jimmy Durante

"I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat." - Alex Levine

"My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying." - Rodney Dangerfield

"Money can´t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." - Spike Milligan

"Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP." - Joe Namath

"I don´t feel old. I don´t feel anything until noon. Then it´s time for my nap." - Bob Hope

"I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it." - W. C. Fields

"We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress." - Will Rogers

"Don´t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you." - Winston Churchill

"Maybe it´s true that life begins at fifty ... but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller

"By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he´s too old to go anywhere." - Billy Crystal

Catherine Nesbitt sends a conversation that could happen

SOONER THAN YOU THINK

Caller: Is this Gordon´s Pizza?

Google: No sir, it´s Google Pizza.

Caller: I must have dialled the wrong number.

Google: No sir, Google bought Gordon´s Pizza last month.

Caller: Okay. I would like to order a pizza

Google: Do you want your usual, sir?

Caller: My usual? You know me?

Google: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called, you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms, and meatballs on a thick crust.

Caller: Okay. That´s what I want.

Google: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes, and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

Caller: What? I detest vegetables!

Google: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

Caller: How the hell do you know?

Google: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last seven years.

Caller: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

Google: Excuse me, sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tables once, at Drug RX Network, four months ago.

Caller: I bought more from another drugstore.

Google: That doesn´t show on your credit card statement.

Caller: I paid cash.

Google: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

Caller: I have other sources of cash.

Google: That doesn´t show on your last tax return, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.

Caller: WHAT THE HELL!!!

Google: I´m sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

Caller: Enough already! I´m sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, and all the others! I´m going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and on-one to watch me or spy on me!

Google: I understand, sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired six weeks ago....

Tom Telfer shares this funny but scary piece:

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I´ve got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull.

But that´s not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus, and it´s especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things, even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here´s the worst of it: Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

Barbara Wear forwards these

CLEVER DEFINITIONS

1. ARBITRAITOR: A cook who leaves Arby´s to work at McDonald´s.

2. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage.

3. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees through.

4. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do.

5. COUNTERFEITER: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

6. LEFT BANK: What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money.

7. HEROES: What a man in a boat does.

8. PARASITES: What you see from the Eiffel Tower.

9. PARADOX: Two physicians.

10. PHARMACIST: A helper on a farm.

11. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring.

12. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife.

13. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does.

14. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official.

SUGGESTED SITES

Barbara Wear forwards this link to a guide to Australia, where you can click on various cities for a tour:

Catherine Nesbitt sends the URL to an article by Judith Taylor about imitating the swagger of an entitled white male, and the results she got:

Catherine also forwards this link to an act by the Ross sisters in 1944. It hurts to imagine what those acrobatics did to their bodies as they got older:

In this TED talk, Alan Watson Featherstone talks about restoring the ancient forest in Scotland and bringing back the lost wildlife:

Samso Island in Denmark produces more energy than it consumes:

This video proves that wildlife crossings stop roadkill, and asks why there aren´t more:

A device that can pull drinking water from the air just won the latest XPrize: